Short and...
Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2021 10:53 am
Some funny? short stuff...
The grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about
Dyson with death.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I no-
ticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about
with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they
were $70! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed
her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RAC van. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably
and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. Blow that" says Mick "have you seen how
many of their owners go blind?"
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor - she only had
$1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He
says what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come
back as a different creature. She said "I would like to come back as a cow". I said you're obvious-
ly not listening.
The grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about
Dyson with death.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I no-
ticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about
with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they
were $70! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed
her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RAC van. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably
and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. Blow that" says Mick "have you seen how
many of their owners go blind?"
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor - she only had
$1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He
says what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come
back as a different creature. She said "I would like to come back as a cow". I said you're obvious-
ly not listening.